Guy With the Big Telescope Returns, Part Two

Before I get into the cuteness of Monday-before-last, I have to spoil the ending! This past Wednesday, we had our third date. We were having Indian food at my favorite place. It was a beautiful, mostly-clear night with a big moon, so I asked if we could go star gazing after dinner, and he said yes! How romantic! Except!

GWBT had listed himself as 37 on Feeld, but his pop-culture references and song choices placed him closer to my age. When he mentioned his brother being really into the G.I. Joe cartoon, I had to ask, how old are you anyway? He admitted that he’d written 37 on his profile because that’s the age he “seems” to people. He’s really a year older than me, 50, which, hooray! If he hadn’t been lying before!

So that topic hijacked dinner, and I was so turned off by the lie that I broke things off. I was really sad to miss our stargazing night, but how could I trust someone with my body and heart if he could lie so easily?

I uncharmingly offered him unsolicited advice as we said goodbye: “Next time, let the person see your whole, real self.” I feel so much compassion and hope for him, and I wish him nothing but happiness and honest snuggles.

NOW! Back to the second-date cuteness! Back to the neverending puzzle.

After a good while of puzzling, I was like, okay, five more pieces and then I’m gonna tie you up. We found those five pieces pretty quickly! I told him to stand up and take off his shirt. Pants too!

I didn’t have a particular harness in mind, I just knew I wanted to make him something special. I started with the dark purple ropes, square-knotting two 30-foot strands together. The ropes really, REALLY liked him. I made nameless knots across his chest, so pretty they almost looked like rosettes. I felt such a flow with this guy! I tuned out of self-consciousness and into the Muse. I took my time and made him into the treasure he deserves to be.

When I was done tying, I had him lay on his front so I could admire the view. His ass was wrapped up like a present, and there was a beautiful shiny magenta rope at his waist. Beautiful. How did I get so lucky?

When I climbed into be next to him, he treated me with worshipful generosity. Uncovering my nipples to suck. Pulling aside my lavender lace panties to tongue my clit. His tongue was as spindly as he, long and quick and ever-exploring.

I’m not usually that excited t be gone down on, but this…I could have stayed there legs open for hours.

 

Guy With the Big Telescope Returns, Part One

Are sequels a bad habit? Maybe! But I haven’t regretted one yet! When I rematched with GWBT (He’d added Feeld to his searchings.) I got a good feeling.

On the first date (https://kittencalendar.blogspot.com/2023/06/new-guys-old-triggers-real-dating-break.html) way back in May when the voice of heartbreak was louder than it is now, I decided we weren’t a match for one reason: He shushed me! In Emotionally Neutral Diner! Which, maybe, isn’t so emotionally neutral! It seemed like it would be a mistake to kiss someone who’d shushed me, so I didn’t.

But in the half-block between the diner and my car, we held hands. Here in September, I remembered vividly and with my whole body how good the handholding had been. And I remembered how he’d tried to send me home with lunch just in case my brunch French toast hadn’t been filling enough. I remembered the telescope I had yet to peer through. I wondered if he still had a tape deck in his car.

The pictures on his Feeld page were almost all on the beach and I felt a little pang for having missed my chance for summer beach drives with him.

My body wanted to see him again, to see what his kiss would be like, to let myself relax into him, somehow I knew I could. He offered to help me with my puzzle, still the endless, too-big-for-the-table 2000-piece one, and I thought that was very brave and kind.

He brought dinner, so much dinner. He asked if I wanted Jamaican food and I said sure, I’ll eat a meat pie. Instead, he brought heavy platters, oxtail and jerk chicken and fried plantains and rice. I’m so bad at flavors, but I tried everything.

He was hesitant to share his music collection with me on a second date, too eclectic, he kept saying. But he lost a bet (I knew I wouldn’t like plantains) and I got to hear it! His music just…lives in his phone?! No Spotify or anything. It turned out the be the perfect puzzling soundtrack: Classic techno gay bar tracks. Opera. Metallica. A pop song selection maybe more unhinged than my own.

About the puzzle, he kept wondering aloud: “There must be some kind of a system we could use to make this easier…”

I guess maybe sorting the colors into boxes is kind of a system?

I liked feeling his leg against mine under the puzzle table. I was suddenly entirely wet, way more turned on than one might expect to be under such wholesome circumstances, and with such a soundtrack!

When he found a piece that fit, or maybe the fourth or fifth time he found one, I said, dorkily, “Now you get rewarded with a smooch.”

It was a good one. Well worth the wait.

Dear Ribbons: Does Jealousy Mean I Have to Give Up This Hottie?!

 

Would you like some advice and praise? Write in please! Tell your story at thekittencalendar.blogspot.com and put “Dear Ribbons” in the subject line!

Dear Ribbons,

What do I do about jealousy? My newish play partner is a total hottie. Half of me is genuinely happy for them and just feels like they should have everything they want in this life and just have people tell them they’re cute all day, and half of me is like oh my god, they really do have so many lovers. And I know if I continue down the casual sex road, many people I sleep with are gonna 100% be sleeping with other people.

Do I have to give up my popular hottie?

Love,

Aspiring Compersionist

Dear Aspiring,

First, the bad news: jealousy isn’t just for casual cuties! It crops up in all relationships! Just like all the other emotions, we have to learn to welcome and listen to jealousy, because fighting it and trying to get rid of it will only make it stronger. I am so bad at this! Some of the relationship moments I’m most ashamed of have come from jealousy, but I think I’m getting better with time and practice—you can too!

Let’s open up The Artist’s Way and remind ourselves what Julia Cameron has to say:

 

I’ve carried the phrase “Jealousy is a map” with me for twenty years, but that last line is hitting home in a new way this morning! “When you learn to harness its fierce energy on your behalf, jealousy is part of the fuel toward a greener and more verdant future.”

I think that’s so true! Though I will forever relish being petty about Mrs. Shy One’s 475,000 year birthday week, I have to admit it inspired me to expand my own! For almost a month, I celebrated in new and old ways, making quality time with old friends, new friends, and one only-around-for-a-week-but-very-charming-and-beautiful-friend! Jealousy map for the win!

But come on, let’s be honest, jealousy fucking SUCKS! I don’t understand why it make me feel like I’m gonna DIE sometimes! It seems really maladaptive for jealousy to inspire such fight or flight when there’s no real danger!

But sometimes, too, when there is real danger! I can think of at least one time when jealous flight tried to save me from a WHOLE lot of horror. How can we even tell the difference!?

This is all complicated by the fact that, I think, the poly community has a tendency towards emotional perfectionism. I think we like to see ourselves as constantly benevolent, generous, and communal, somehow above the less-cute human relationship pitfalls. As much as we give lip-service to “processing” jealousy, I think it’s way easier sometimes to perform uncomplicated compersion, even to the point of self-erasure.

So here’s the frame I think would work best, Aspiring:

1.     Jealousy can help us articulate desires we may not have even known existed! Yay!

2.     Jealousy feels terrible. It feels bad to feel it! Yuck!

3.     Jealousy can sometimes guide us away from situations where a potential partner doesn’t have the time or bandwidth we need. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that! Take your time, follow your intuition, use your judgement.

4.     Find partners who are open to talking about jealousy! In fact, let’s all talk about it more! I would love to learn to view jealousy not as a failure or a taboo, but as a natural part of connection.

I hate to keep coming back to The Guest House, but make jealousy some tea and let it in. It’s exhausting to keep trying to hold the door closed.

Expansively,

Pretty Ribbons

The Kindest Hookup, Part Two

 

Since I’ve been officially looking for Boyfriend Material, I’ve wondered on and off if I should give up the more casual kink connections. Conventional wisdom, aka my Inner Patriarchy, tells me that I only should be going on Serious Dates with Serious Relationship Potential, but that seems kinda high-pressure! I think I can find true love again while slutting it up, especially since internal happiness feels key to finding the right folks.

Plus, ahhhhhhhh…service. It’s so magical when I get to play as a service top! The world is so harsh to all of us, I love giving someone cute a soft place to be for a while, a chance to feel special and cared for, to rest in pleasure and be wholly celebrated. I deserve that for myself too! There’s so much power in bringing a sweet stranger kindness and joy, it’s one of the best parts of adventuring.

I’m so grateful to The Boy Who Brought Flowers for helping me touch base with the benevolent power of Ma’am-ness!

“Meet you upstairs,” he said, as soon as I released him from our taking-it-something-like-slow makeout time on the couch. He bounded upstairs, eager to do a good job.

We were listening to my Liked Songs because none of my other playlists were feeling quite right. I’d asked him if he had a playlist to share, but he said something really sweet like “No, I want to be in your world.” A lot can go wrong with a playlist that’s not really a playlist, but I gave him the power to skip anytime! He never used it.

I had him strip to his briefs before I gave him the gentle ribcage harness. He’d mentioned that he wanted to be restrained, wanted to be swept away.

Side note: Are people sometimes using kink to dissociate? To be jarred all the way out of themselves and be ready for whatever self comes next? I know I’ve subbed that way, especially during those hard, hard divorce times! But I am not that Ma’am!

I wanted us present and slow. I held him close each time I reached around to cross the ropes at his back. I breathed him in, the smells of sweat and soap and, very faintly, of cannabis. His shoulders and back and arms were sculpted with care, and there was something dear about that, something vulnerable. His body reminded me of the motivational books he was reading—every part of him wanted to do what he saw as a good job, every sinew reaching out for approval and praise. I was so happy to give it!

The effort of being a person, any person, is such a heavy lift. This ambitious, aspiration-filled young man deserved a moment to just be.

Like the Thoughtful Guy said a few weeks before: “Just lay here and be you.” I hope my Flower Boy felt that peace. I hope we all do, as often as possible.

As he stood over me, I wound the purple ropes between his legs, echoing the knots and loops of the harness above. His dick was fat and joyful beneath his grey briefs, beneath my pulling and adjusting and re-adjusting. Each time I grazed it lovingly, sparks of happiness sparkled in my fingertips and all through my body. I hope he felt sparkly too!

The Kindest Hookup, Part One

 

This story starts with a trigger warning, but not about the date!

Last Tuesday was my birthday. In the course of checking in with loved ones, I found out that someone close to me had had The Bad Thing happen to her on a date over the summer. I was glad she trusted me enough to tell me, and she seemed like she was doing okay, considering. But I was devastated and wondered if I needed to cancel my Wednesday night date! It seemed unfair to have any kind of body fun in the same world where a loved one had been so harmed.

But I knew it wasn’t bodies’ fault, and I was reasonably sure this guy was good and safe. He’s 27, so I figured he had matched with me purely for curiosity/millennials-have-a-mature-fetish reasons, but he seemed genuinely interested in me as a person. We talked about books and he’s reading The Sum of Us. One of my all-time favorites! We exchanged Spotify links and he picked two favorites from my Virgo Season mix: Good Riddance (see above) and Always Something There to Remind Me.

And he was calling me Ma’am! And being so kind and respectful! His smile was radiant and, in mostly chaste pictures, the rest of him was beautiful. I was touched by his attentiveness and turned on by his beauty and bravery. The energy emerging between us reminded me of The Good Boy from 2022—warm, avid, and Mine.

When he asked if there was anything he needed to do for the date, I said “Bring flowers.” Ma’am life is so good, especially during my birthday week!

He came up my driveway with two long bunches of flowers (pink alstroemeria and purple something-like-delphiniums) and a birthday card with no envelope. He looked so happy and hopeful and ready for praise—deeply adorable. We walked arm-in-arm up the driveway to my door, and went in.

He’d wanted me to sweep him in the door and take charge right way, and I don’t think I did it the way he’d pictured! I told him to have a seat while I put the flowers in some water. When I joined him on the couch, he said eagerly “What do you want me to do?”

“Let’s just sit here and be people”

So we talked about shows. I inexpertly summarized the plot of Yellowjackets and rhapsodized about how it’s almost Gilmore Girls time. (The twenty-first night of September!) He mentioned loving Rick and Morty and old seasons of South Park and I put those upsetting choices in his file but didn’t hold them against him. I wanted to hold myself against him!

We were in the middle of a (Try not to think about the end of the world!) heatwave so everything was warmth on warmth on warmth. He kissed me in the middle of our TV conversation and it sent flutters up through me—just right. An of course whispered through my body. I have been truly blessed with the good kissers lately. If I believed in Karma, I would think I was being very, very rewarded for some good deed I can’t quite think of.

“What do you want me to do now?” He asked again. Look up “topping from the bottom” in the dictionary and there’s his beautiful smiling face!

“Five more minutes,” I said, and we stayed there on the couch, chatting and kissing.

Frilly Friday: Ribcage Harness

 

I'm really missing The Boy Who Brought Flowers, even though we only chatted for a week! Many happy paragraphs to come! 

In the meantime, I'm really grateful that he inspired me to pick up the ropes again, and I think this is just so cute!

Knotty Thursday: I Think It's Past Ghost O'Clock Buuut...

 

I wanted this treasure to be my Wednesday guy, (He clearly wasn't available for boyfriending) and he seemed amenable to that last night, but shrug emoji! My Inner Patriarchy is making me feel ashamed for having semi-accidentally had a hookup, but I'm sure once the disappointment wears off, I be glad he was at least *A* Wednesday guy!

Plus! I asked him to bring me flowers and he did! That gives me all the Ma'am feelings and all the hopeful feelings.

These ties would be prettier if they were tighter, I wanted to be very gentle on a first night! I'm happy to be reunited with my ropes, and hoping the Thursdays will stay knotty! Wish me luck! 

Dear Ribbons: Is a "Hoe Phase" Worth the Risk?

 

I feel like The Guest House might be annoying advice to get, but it's maybe the best advice ever.

Would you like some advice and praise? Write in please! Tell your story at thekittencalendar.blogspot.com and put “Dear Ribbons” in the subject line!

Dear Ms. Ribbons,

I met someone and we had passionate, awesome sex. I was really affected by it. We talked about intense things and really connected. I was with them nearly all day both times we were together. Overall it was a very intense experience for me even though it was theoretically casual.

 

I feel like emotionally and physically it’s taken a full week to recover from seeing them. I’ve been unable to work much or focus or maintain any conversations not about this person for days. 

 

I feel at a crossroads. Personally I want to have a hoe phase and I’m definitely attracted to a lot of people, and my desire is pretty ferocious and I feel pretty desperate to get out there and explore. I feel like my need to be with more people and try things is at the center of my life rn.

 

 But I don’t know if I can do what just happened over again. If it’s going to feel like that every time to have great sex it might be too much. I’m especially worried about exploring kink and the kinds of sex that are likely to be especially vulnerable and have lots of emotional feedback.

 

I’m also kind of confused about how to take this hookup that just happened and wondering if it means something that it hit me so hard.

 

Is casual sex not for me? What can I do to stop the pleasurable part of my life from overtaking the other things in my life that are important to me? What’s a kind of jealous and sensitive person who doesn’t want to use that stuff as a crutch to do lol

 

Curiously,

 

Twitterpated

 

Dear Twitterpated,

 

Thank you so much for writing to me! I’m so honored to be a part of this profound thing that happened to you!

 

First, in the spirit of Judge Chutkin, let’s take the temperature down a little. Not on the lovey-dovey emotions! Let’s keep those ablaze. The thing you’re feeling is, I think, one of the main reasons we’re here on this cool planet.

 

But please talk to your self-judgement and ask it to simmer down a bunch! Let’s do that old therapy trick of—what if this were happening to a friend? If one of your besties came to you distracted, confused, besotted, you’d greet them with curiosity and joy. You wouldn’t rush them to define things, urge them to be sensible, remind them of their other priorities.  If this were happening to a friend, you would just be with them where they are. See if you can give yourself a little bit of that friendly grace.

 

There are no prerequisites for a “hoe phase.” By all means, just have it!!!!! You absolutely do not have to meet some imaginary standard of casualness to slut it up! Plenty of people will be as hot for your romantic nature as they are for all of your other very hot qualities!

 

And, you can take all the time you need to absorb the beauty, pleasure, synchronicity, and meaning of passionate awesome sex with this very special human! You don’t need any permission, label, or ticket to the Relationship Escalator in order for this experience to mean a lot to you—it just DOES!

 

Give yourself space for this. It’s so big!

 

I for one CANNOT understand people who breeze through sex and love and kink like it’s no big deal! It’s a big fucking deal! Our bodies are there! With our hearts, minds, and souls! Do anything you want to in order to internalize and honor this ordinary miracle that happened to you! That you helped create!

 

Please try not to worry about being too jealous, too sensitive, too ANYTHING. Let yourself experience this moment as EXACTLY YOU.

 

I can’t tell you what to do about the current person except this: Talk to them. See how they feel and feel how you feel. You might like to swirl around in these lovely emotions for a while! Or you might let them go and look for someone(s) even more right for you.

 

I trust you with this precious thing, your precious heart! I promise, you’ll know what to do.

 

Your comrade in twitterpation,

 Pretty Ribbons