Enchanted Diner Date With Angel Boy

He has just the most beautiful hands! <3

 Today I'm wondering if some loves might just be two dates long. 

I had Angel Boy pick a diner for our first date--even if it didn't work out, I'd still get to go to a diner! Though I hadn't been to this diner before, I knew there would be a comforting sameness to soften the anxieties of learning a possible new person. They had really beautiful Napoleons in the display case by the door, I may have to go back for one of those.

I was nervous driving over! One of my friends (Maybe the OCDest one) said he looked too young. He's in his mid-thirties, but the fear got in my head a little and it was hard not to let OCD have its say.

I picked him up at his cute-guy job. As soon as he was in my car, my fears whooshed away. The dynamic felt equal and sparky, kinda like meeting a worthy adversary you want to kiss. He took my arm right away, petted my hand, rifled around in the back of my hair while I drove.

His look reminded me of the following dreamboats: My first serious boyfriend,(Perfectly 1993 Guy ) Slater from Dazed and Confused, Eddie Vedder in his climbing-on-high-things-at-Lollapalooza-2 era, and the bookstore boss on whom I had a wild and music-fueled crush almost immediately after my marriage in 2003. (If I'd met Angel Boy in 2023, the symmetry would have been delicious.)

 He had a tattoo of a math pun on his arm. 

I felt Autistic Euphoria as we sat down in the diner and the banter machine whizzed to life and we settled into each other and settled into the comfy booth.

"Oversharing is my love language," I said cliche-ly, and he looked delighted and grabbed my hand.

"Oh you love me? I'm so glad."

We were kidding, but it did feel like a kind of instant love. It felt like we were taking over the whole diner with our vibes. Our waitress was curious about us, she asked if we'd known each other a long time, and we gigglingly said that we'd met a half hour ago. It must have been a slow night, because she came back with so many questions, like:

"What if his girlfriend doesn't like you?"

I was like "Of course she'll like me," but he launched into a deeper explanation of poly life. 

She told us she was done with dating, happy to stay home with her dog, but I think by the end of the night our joyful sluttiness rubbed off on her. I hope she's having the best adventures! And/or the best time staying home.

It was the kind of first date where you end up brainstorming a lot of other dates. I wanted to take him to the drive-in, the beach, and definitely to my place so I could see if the ropes liked him. Obviously he would need to watch Backrooms, My Neighbor Totoro, and Twin Peaks, and I was ready to watch anything I was assigned. I accidentally talked like he was already my boyfriend, and that didn't seem to scare him at all.

He's so warm and alive and present. And so beautiful. He has lips like a Renaissance cherub. When we kissed in the car on the way back to his place, it was like we'd been kissing our whole lives. Like his mouth was made for me. As I held his cheek to draw him deeper into the kiss, I felt my heart stir like he was moving in. He was.

Perfect Emo Night With The King of Carrot Flowers, Part Two

 

We went to Favorite Diner (As opposed to Neutral First Date Diner) to catch our breath and make this extraordinary moment a little more down to earth. It helped that he was in a work text chain putting out work fires as we sat down- somehow that took the pressure off. In between fielding texts, we didn't so much catch up as immediately launch into 20-year-old inside jokes, mostly Simpsons related. Between that an an exceptional turkey club, life was a perfect dream.

I don't think it's giving away the city by saying the sky was full of ashes that night. Sorry to be glib about disaster, but the fire sky really added to the overall emo of the situation. We brought out the KN-95s, with all their attendant grief. Our eyes stung and the coral/pink sun was world-endy, but my heart was full of joy and grace anyway. I don't know what's better in this world than parking on grass and moseying toward the gates with strangers of at least three generations, probably four.

BFF Formerly Sweetie walked slow with her walking stick and this was the first time we had to rent chairs instead of sitting our old butts on the grass, but other than those things, the three of us were the three of us again. We picked up our chairs, cocktails to go with the gummies in our tummies, and three matching T-shirts. (Which we did NOT put on! My symmetry brain really wishes I'd made that photo op happen!) KOCF got the new album on vinyl and I got it on CD- I should put it in the car and let it play all fall.

The opening band was Japanese Breakfast! They were dreamy and vibe-y and I liked how their gong was outlined in blue lights.

One of the first songs Death Cab played was This Is the New Year, which made me sob so openly and productively. Partly because I associate it with The Guy Next Door, but mostly because yes, YES! It's not the past. KOCF isn't lost anymore, and long-suffering Sweetie is now relievedly BFF. And we were at a concert, the home-est home you can get while surrounded by strangers. (Oh, boy, do I love strangers sharing a thing. Collective effervescence!!!!)

I promise I wasn't super intoxicated, except maybe by friend love, when my favorite part happened. They were playing Different Names for the Same Thing, and I looked around and saw it- there wasn't really any separation between any of us. Not between us or the chairs or Ben Gibbard or Japanese Breakfast's gong. OMG the Unified Field braving the smoky sky to visit my head this beautiful night. Everything, even the obscured skyline, even all my bitchy mistakes over the years, became unseparated for a little while. Ahh.

When KOCF came to my place to spend the night, I felt a deep carefulness. I want to never not be friends again, want to make sure I don't slip into stupid limerence any more times. I never want him to be not in my life again. The next day, we did ordinary things like go to my neighborhood cafe. I loved having him here. The cats loved having him here. BFF Formerly Sweetie loved having him here. I would please like this friendship to last and last and last: It might just be the best kind of love.

The Perfect Emo Night With King of Carrot Flowers, Part One

 I was panicking in the car when BFF Formerly Sweetie and I were on the way to the train station to pick up King of Carrot Flowers, our best friend from when we were first married, whom we hadn't seen in about twenty years. The feelings were too much! One of the great loves of my twenties, whom I'd (on brand from way back) alienated with a crush. No, by feeling so much love for him that I went around woozy until he very kindly told me he wasn't a sharer. I couldn't accept it and picked a fight I feel very stupid about. It was in like 2006 or 2007 but I was as embarrassed as though no time had past.

"Why did I think this was a good idea?!" sobbed 2026 me. Seeing Death Cab for Cutie with a long lost friendlove?! It was too much, this was terrible, how was I ever gonna get through this? Twenty years of feelings, Snoqualmie Falls-ing out all at once, in a 7-11 parking lot on the way to the train station.

I got myself together and went in to meet his train. (At this train station, I also dropped off Perfectly 1993 guy, in 1994, after a post-breakup visit, bittersweet in a babydoll dress, longjohns, and thrifted combat boots. And these days, it's where I pick up my niece when she comes into town for a concert! I love this train station so much.)

King of Carrot Flowers, when I finally saw him, was exactly the same. The curly red/blonde hair. The striped white shirt he picked up in his travels, with a fish embroidered on the sleeve. A goofy grin promising all the inside jokes from both 20 years ago and recently--everything was there, not lost at all but strolling into my city a little late for lunch.