Kitten Versus. Ropes, Part One

 

This story happened like a month ago! I’m having so much writer’s block and so, SO much dater’s block. The algorithm and the universe keep matching me ever more beautiful men, but I cannot believe there are SO MANY people in the world who are not the right one! It’s so weird that I’m spending so many spoons of my beautiful life on what honestly feels like an impossible dream. Mary Oliver said “keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable,” so on I go.

Reluctant Kisser was a promising Facebook Dating match! He was tall with long locks, kind, blue collar, and lives not-too-far. He was in a hurry to meet!

Friends, I have really been dropping the ball on the rope practice. I love, love LOVE my youngest cat, but she cannot keep it together when the ropes are around. I’ve missed it so much though! So, one Wednesday, I decided it was time. So when RK asked if he could come over, I was like, yes, but this is what I’m doing tonight. I thought maybe he would enjoy getting a show and! Maybe he could distract the kitten for me! Adorable.

I’m still collecting lingerie, and I had a new set to show off. It was sheer so I wrapped myself up in my purple satin robe and opened the door. The vibe felt okay so I invited him upstairs pretty quickly.

I sort of warned him, “When I take off this robe, you’re gonna see pretty much everything. Are you ready?”

He assured me that he was. I found a second string (ha) rope for him to dangle for the cat, but she immediately lost her mind when I started working on my harness. One good thing about the kitten messing up rope time is that it’s so, so funny. The main memory about that night and others—laughing and “ouch” ing because the cat was so nutso.

The Reluctant Kisser looked so mystified that I wonder if maybe I should have sent him home. It must have been a LOT to take in! Nipples! Lace! Ropes! Laughter,

“This is weird, right?” I said, checking his eyes for the urge to flee. His look was more like that meme of the lady trying to math—curiously trying to make sense of what was happening.

“Uh, yeah, it’s pretty weird.”

Remember when I used to GO on adventures instead of BEING someone’s adventure? Sudden empathy for all those top-types who guided me through! This is so hard!

Sudden Hotel Date, Part One

 

Sometimes an adventure, in retrospect, can seem like pure acting out. Summer Therapist would say “Act in, not out,” and that is absolutely right, but sometimes, I guess, I just need to take a leap, throw a tantrum, make a questionable choice I’ll probably live through. That’s how Sudden Hotel Date seems, or maybe it was just curiosity or too much time thinking about math for work. Maybe I wasn’t ready to face the sweet sincerity of my date with GWBS the night before. Or maybe it’s just what happened.

Sudden Hotel Date matched on Bumble and Feeld at once, which seemed like fate at the time but now seems just like: He got into town and he’s whatever the algorithms see as my type. He was visiting from a not-too-far away city, and his profile was written so romantically that it seemed like I really should meet him. Like me, he seemed to be looking for slutty romance, a partner in crime. More intriguing, he felt in his early banter like he wanted to be my friend!

Rainbow Pal has a comet these days and they’ve been having so much fun, why shouldn’t I try it?

It was a loooonnnnnggg workday so I was really just looking forward to doing the dishes and going right to bed. And oh yeah, it was trash night.

Sudden Hotel Date was only in town for a few days. I initially declined to meet up because I really needed time to introvert after my lovely time with GWBT. But when SHD said “Just come hang out with me in my upgraded suite,” my seen-too-many-movies brain took him up on it.

Is “upgraded suite” an insufferable phrase? Yes.

It didn’t matter that I was tired or that I would be showing up in my work clothes, my workaday undies not meant to be seen.

Well, it didn’t matter to me that I was tired. I pictured making friends among abundant hotel pillows, drifting off, maybe making out a little. Maybe I would drive home in the morning, dreamy and happy.

I sounds bananas, but he really made it sound like he wanted to make friends. I thought I was being banter-y and cute about my tiredness, but it made him change his tune:

“Well if you’re just gonna fall asleep we could reschedule. I’m in town til Thursday morning.”

But Wednesday night was scheduled to be grocery night with BFF, and besides, I was already downtown! I’d even found a nice parking space that didn’t cost a jillion dollars! I paid the meter and went to meet him.

The Kindest Hookup, Part Two

 

Since I’ve been officially looking for Boyfriend Material, I’ve wondered on and off if I should give up the more casual kink connections. Conventional wisdom, aka my Inner Patriarchy, tells me that I only should be going on Serious Dates with Serious Relationship Potential, but that seems kinda high-pressure! I think I can find true love again while slutting it up, especially since internal happiness feels key to finding the right folks.

Plus, ahhhhhhhh…service. It’s so magical when I get to play as a service top! The world is so harsh to all of us, I love giving someone cute a soft place to be for a while, a chance to feel special and cared for, to rest in pleasure and be wholly celebrated. I deserve that for myself too! There’s so much power in bringing a sweet stranger kindness and joy, it’s one of the best parts of adventuring.

I’m so grateful to The Boy Who Brought Flowers for helping me touch base with the benevolent power of Ma’am-ness!

“Meet you upstairs,” he said, as soon as I released him from our taking-it-something-like-slow makeout time on the couch. He bounded upstairs, eager to do a good job.

We were listening to my Liked Songs because none of my other playlists were feeling quite right. I’d asked him if he had a playlist to share, but he said something really sweet like “No, I want to be in your world.” A lot can go wrong with a playlist that’s not really a playlist, but I gave him the power to skip anytime! He never used it.

I had him strip to his briefs before I gave him the gentle ribcage harness. He’d mentioned that he wanted to be restrained, wanted to be swept away.

Side note: Are people sometimes using kink to dissociate? To be jarred all the way out of themselves and be ready for whatever self comes next? I know I’ve subbed that way, especially during those hard, hard divorce times! But I am not that Ma’am!

I wanted us present and slow. I held him close each time I reached around to cross the ropes at his back. I breathed him in, the smells of sweat and soap and, very faintly, of cannabis. His shoulders and back and arms were sculpted with care, and there was something dear about that, something vulnerable. His body reminded me of the motivational books he was reading—every part of him wanted to do what he saw as a good job, every sinew reaching out for approval and praise. I was so happy to give it!

The effort of being a person, any person, is such a heavy lift. This ambitious, aspiration-filled young man deserved a moment to just be.

Like the Thoughtful Guy said a few weeks before: “Just lay here and be you.” I hope my Flower Boy felt that peace. I hope we all do, as often as possible.

As he stood over me, I wound the purple ropes between his legs, echoing the knots and loops of the harness above. His dick was fat and joyful beneath his grey briefs, beneath my pulling and adjusting and re-adjusting. Each time I grazed it lovingly, sparks of happiness sparkled in my fingertips and all through my body. I hope he felt sparkly too!

The Kindest Hookup, Part One

 

This story starts with a trigger warning, but not about the date!

Last Tuesday was my birthday. In the course of checking in with loved ones, I found out that someone close to me had had The Bad Thing happen to her on a date over the summer. I was glad she trusted me enough to tell me, and she seemed like she was doing okay, considering. But I was devastated and wondered if I needed to cancel my Wednesday night date! It seemed unfair to have any kind of body fun in the same world where a loved one had been so harmed.

But I knew it wasn’t bodies’ fault, and I was reasonably sure this guy was good and safe. He’s 27, so I figured he had matched with me purely for curiosity/millennials-have-a-mature-fetish reasons, but he seemed genuinely interested in me as a person. We talked about books and he’s reading The Sum of Us. One of my all-time favorites! We exchanged Spotify links and he picked two favorites from my Virgo Season mix: Good Riddance (see above) and Always Something There to Remind Me.

And he was calling me Ma’am! And being so kind and respectful! His smile was radiant and, in mostly chaste pictures, the rest of him was beautiful. I was touched by his attentiveness and turned on by his beauty and bravery. The energy emerging between us reminded me of The Good Boy from 2022—warm, avid, and Mine.

When he asked if there was anything he needed to do for the date, I said “Bring flowers.” Ma’am life is so good, especially during my birthday week!

He came up my driveway with two long bunches of flowers (pink alstroemeria and purple something-like-delphiniums) and a birthday card with no envelope. He looked so happy and hopeful and ready for praise—deeply adorable. We walked arm-in-arm up the driveway to my door, and went in.

He’d wanted me to sweep him in the door and take charge right way, and I don’t think I did it the way he’d pictured! I told him to have a seat while I put the flowers in some water. When I joined him on the couch, he said eagerly “What do you want me to do?”

“Let’s just sit here and be people”

So we talked about shows. I inexpertly summarized the plot of Yellowjackets and rhapsodized about how it’s almost Gilmore Girls time. (The twenty-first night of September!) He mentioned loving Rick and Morty and old seasons of South Park and I put those upsetting choices in his file but didn’t hold them against him. I wanted to hold myself against him!

We were in the middle of a (Try not to think about the end of the world!) heatwave so everything was warmth on warmth on warmth. He kissed me in the middle of our TV conversation and it sent flutters up through me—just right. An of course whispered through my body. I have been truly blessed with the good kissers lately. If I believed in Karma, I would think I was being very, very rewarded for some good deed I can’t quite think of.

“What do you want me to do now?” He asked again. Look up “topping from the bottom” in the dictionary and there’s his beautiful smiling face!

“Five more minutes,” I said, and we stayed there on the couch, chatting and kissing.

Knotty Thursday: I Think It's Past Ghost O'Clock Buuut...

 

I wanted this treasure to be my Wednesday guy, (He clearly wasn't available for boyfriending) and he seemed amenable to that last night, but shrug emoji! My Inner Patriarchy is making me feel ashamed for having semi-accidentally had a hookup, but I'm sure once the disappointment wears off, I be glad he was at least *A* Wednesday guy!

Plus! I asked him to bring me flowers and he did! That gives me all the Ma'am feelings and all the hopeful feelings.

These ties would be prettier if they were tighter, I wanted to be very gentle on a first night! I'm happy to be reunited with my ropes, and hoping the Thursdays will stay knotty! Wish me luck!