I have so much to say about The Song Sender, but I'll start here: He is equal parts clarifying and completely destabilizing. A hand on the back of my neck can make me feel more centered and calm than a thousand meditations. And yet, within minutes of bringing him home (I mean, of course I brought him home) I spilled fizzy water on my phone and my Switch at the same time. (Both are fine, don't worry!)
But then, I got the ropes out. And this growly, bitey, throw-me-around dom let me put him in them. I really, REALLY wish I had taken his picture like that, not just because he looked so fucking hot but because it's kind of a trophy. I've spent eleven years being scared of him/wishing he could come over and give me what-for, and here he was, being so still. Ironically patient, maybe, maybe deciding how much he'd let me get away with it.
So then, I stepped out of dizziness and 2011-ness and into what was actually happening. I showed him how to put a harness on me and he sweetly did and undid the knots to get it right. It didn't come off til close to the end of his visit, so he must've done a good job tying the back!
The rest of the story of my second first date with The Song Sender is about the beautiful whoosh of submission visiting my mind for the first time in I don't know how long. But I could only get to that place because I had my whole voice with me, because I was solidly grounded in my own desire.
Last night felt like a graduation. I'm so, SO proud of the eleven years since I started kink, of going from a scared, desperate girl to...well still pretty scared and desperate sometimes, but with my whole voice to find my way(s) to happiness and pleasure.
No comments:
Post a Comment