To post this picture from a couple of weeks ago, I cropped out the most beautiful, the silliest, the most unrestrainedly (ha) joyful smile. I'm deep in heartbreaktown for the foreseeable future, only seeing (FWB) The Lovely Guy and giving the rest of dating a well-earned break. Not for long, I hope!
The lesson here, or one of them, is not to go another five years before I find someone to tie and be tied by. I guess I can't really control that, but I think it's really, really important to keep looking. The rope part of love isn't the only part, of course, but it's vital to me and I want to keep honoring it. Thanks for being there, dears, to keep me accountable!
It's gonna take me a while before I can write about the emotions and sensations of all the intimacies of my time with This Charming Man without just crying and wanting to call him, but I'll start here. The moment on our first date when I realized he was game to work on knots with me, such a breath of fulfillment filled me up, an anticipation and joy that I hadn't realized was missing. As we learned and practiced together, it was more than just the warm, deliberate touch that meant so much to me. I loved the pressure, the attention, the patient steps so much, but there was also a deep, deep sense of being cared for. It's hard to know for sure, but I think it was mutual and real, at least in those moments.
I don't think you're reading this, TCM, but if you are, thank you. I love you. Maybe everything means more to me than it should, but who needs should statements?
No comments:
Post a Comment