The Goodbye Boys

Connection and attraction are weird. The two times that Mr. Adorkable came over, I felt like we were almost supernaturally linked, not just the way our bodies fit together, but personality-wise as well. We chatted and laughed like friends and played so beautifully. And then he’d go back home and hardly ever text—I should have taken that signal and kept it moving, probably.

Not-texting wasn’t how it started though. The first weekend that he had my number, back at the end of August, he was attentive, flirty, infinitely selfie-able. He was my cute text company on my solo birthday trip, to the point where I missed him when my hotel room turned out to be a Wifi-hole. I sent him a picture of a sunset mountain, of my outfit matching a wall of Warhols. Company.

But after our first date, the textiness stopped, and I don’t know why I didn’t just admit that I HATED that. Anybody can text anybody every day or so! Still, I was mindful of bandwidth. And he was so lovely and present and playful in person.

Before our second date, I reached out to ask him if he’d ghosted, a really bad sign! But he said he hadn’t, and I got more attached. Again, a song came on at the right time like we were in a movie.

But then, the not-texting again. We made a third date, but it took some nagging.

(My work life is mostly nagging--it’s my superpower! I vow to not opt into any more of it in my free time.)

(And I also vow to just recognize the next case of He’s Just Not That into You when it comes along!)

Anyway, when Mr. Adorkable told me a few hours before the planned third date that he “wasn’t feeling connected.” I wanted to be like: Duh. You didn’t even try. But I know things don’t work that way.

My point is, besides BEING TEXTED BACK IS NICE, that I’m feeling burned out from the goodbye part of dating.

A partial list of goodbye boys since last fall:

The Coach, (didn’t want to be in person, possibly dick-catfishing me)

The Lovely Guy, (very lovely, it just ran its course)

Superhot hookup guy who looked like Finn from Star Wars, (Gave me a fake last name)

This Charming Man, (Love, heartbreak, Chappelle fan)

The very-not-a-match-hookup who probably gave me Christmas Covid,

The Good Boy, (Can’t really complain about that one)

The Shy One, (GLAD I UN-SAID THAT GOODBYE!)

The Southern Charmer, (“Sometimes it’s all just…too much.”)

The Adorables,

The boy with the Sonic the Hedgehog tattoo, (Also one that said “Keep it real”)

The high school principal who had First Corinthians tattooed on his arm, (I thought this was the most romantic thing ever.)

The goth boy who was delightfully dommy in the car, (Also a terrible texter)

The Song Sender Part Two (Electric Boogaloo),

and Mr. Adorkable.

No wonder I’m so tired. I’m not writing this to slut-shame myself, far from it! I just want to acknowledge that that’s a LOT of hope/hotness/goodbye for one year. Some disappeared, some ended in wrenching conversations, one re-ended in a sweet, healing way, one un-ended.

So it’s time for a little break from strangers, time for my body and heart to process all the sexiness and wonderfulness and sadness and shame and loss and phone-checking. This year of adventures was a busy, beautiful, ravishing gift, but Mr. Adorkable was one goodbye too many for now. Just for now though.

Knotty Thursdays: Mr. Adorkable Hits Me with Things, YAY!

 

Is it cheating that I sometimes hand in a nice boy's design as my rope homework? I guess bottoming is rope practice too?

What I should have taken a picture of was Mr. Adorkable's TOY BAG. I'd told him I needed all the spanks after my (mostly self-inflicted) stressful weekend, so he brought everything. Oh MAN I've missed being hit with all the thuddy things. I've missed typing the word thuddy! We were making out and I smelled another nice smell besides us and I was like, "Oh, that's all the things you're gonna hit me with."

I missed the smell of leather, which I've never even really thought about at all!

Before that, though, the ropes. 

I love the way he worked his design around the bra, I felt like it was too pretty to take off. (It flipped right down so nicely when the time came! I should probably get this outfit in all the colors.) My favorite part was the way that little tail at the back tickled--when he was working on that part, I just giggled and squirmed with pure joy. Profound joy! I kinda transcended a little.

It's maybe not advisable to tell someone they feel like a puzzle piece on the second date, huh? But he just does. I like the way we just easily fit together. And I like the way songs come on just at the right moment. This time, a little on the nose, it was "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. 

Mr. Adorkable and the Ropes, Part Three

Mr. Adorkable is all pounce. At some point in the proceedings, he went down on me like he was jumping into a pool, or like I was candy! He’s so open and full of glee. All the while, because he’s an extranice match, my goth mix was on shuffle.

(NOT the goth mix I made for The Song Sender. RIP that mix. Or, see you in 2033. That gum you like is going to come back in style. Sorry, Twin Peaks digression.)

ANYWAY, back to the hotness at hand. After I asked for a break and he offered sex, Mr. Adorkable grabbed the thigh rope and spread my legs wide. I warned him that I didn’t remember the last time I’d shaved and he said “Huh. Seems pretty recent.” I don’t think he would’ve cared if it wasn’t.

Once he was between my legs, I hooked my not-tied leg over his hip and it’s almost like we clicked together, satisfying like Legos or puzzle pieces. I settled in underneath him, such a cozy fit.

He fucks with generosity, enthusiasm, and expertise. This is why you should always fuck married guys—they may have less time to play, but while they’re here, they really make it count. I may have said some or all of that thought out loud in the moment.

Another thing I had to say our loud mid-fuck was “Oops, I forgot to ask about aftercare. We can snuggle after, right?”

“Oh, of course,” he said “Though I can’t stay too long, there’s work tomorrow.”

My arms had long since been untied. The thigh rope may have been tied to the headboard. My legs were up around his shoulders and I was coming and coming and coming, ready to invite him to come too, when Cloudbusting came on, of course it did. The perfect way to send off the Kate Bush summer, in ecstasy.

Heck yeah, something good is gonna happen, it almost always does. (“Just saying it can even make it happen…”)

His aftercare was, unsurprisingly, sweet, warm, and cheerful. He told me I had been a good girl, of course, that I’d done a good job. He ran his perfect hand from my hip to my waist to my shoulder and told me that I deserve to feel this good.

I can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t WAIT to see him again. That’s next Monday.

Mr. Adorkable and the Ropes, Part Two

 

He wasn’t in my apartment for long before I had him upstairs. He hadn’t brought his rope kit (I guess that would have seemed like a lot on a first date to anyone who isn’t me!) but I was happy to let him use mine.

I don’t know when the kissing started. Maybe we were always kissing. He picked up the orange rope and twined it around my wrists, making a double column that looked like a pretty bow. He already knew to be careful with my tricky right arm because, bless him, he’d read me.

Next he started winding a harness around my chest, over the bra at first. It felt new and shivery to not being the one doing the tying, to not know what was going to happen next. (Not that I always know what will happen next when I AM tying!) I liked being the canvas and not the artist, or maybe just another kind of artist. As the ropes tightened around me, I felt such soft affection for him, leaned into his warm body and kissed him some more.

He's a little taller than me, with pretty hazel eyes and a perpetual smile. His face and shoulders seem just a little more sculpture-like than one might expect of a regular human. And I don’t know if he’s purposely emulating present-day Wil Wheaton’s look, but it’s working for him anyway. SO CUTE.

After the harness, he went for the thigh. Ahhhhhh…sighhhh. Such a pretty, simple knot with so much possibility and promise. I liked being beneath him as he tied, I felt happy and curious and safe and sooooo wet.

After, with some difficulty, we’d wrangled the bra off from under the ropes, I got to feel one of my VERY favorite feelings in the universe: Naked except the ropes, my arms back, his mouth on my nipple. I looooove the way all my sensitivities brighten, the shiver of safe fear, the helplessness spark through every nerve. I felt his warmth shudder all though me, deep in my bones, electric and alive.

And then, he was kneeling above me, his dick hardening in my mouth, shoved in sideways. It grew and expanded as I got it as far down my throat as I could, gagged and tried again, gagged and tried again. He was big and so beautiful kneeling above me, my head in his hands, his fingers tangled in my hair.

After a while, the vulnerability of this, the whole-body gagging was too much, and I asked for a break.

“Oh, okay, would you like to have sex? He asked so cheerful-politely!

Yes, yes I would. That is an excellent way to take a break!

Mr. Adorkable and the Ropes: Part One

 

I am so far behind on my blogging. The last few weeks have been such a flood of cuteness, it’s hard to put into words! So I set a timer, put on the lo-fi mix, and I’m ready to start telling you about Mr. Adorkable.

I met him on Feeld, of course, swiped right because his big smile and cute glasses reminded me of The Boy Who Sewed Me a Pillow, but dommier. He mentioned ropes, he’s switchy like me, and he had excellent texting game. He was my inbox company for a couple days while I was on a solo mini-vacation in the mountains. He used a lot of exclamation points! Enthusiasm is one of the dreamiest things in the world.

The cute goth boy from my last hot first date didn’t stick around, but he did inspire me to stop being such a lazy couch-dater all the time. Mr. Adorkable chose us a quiet bar on one of the artsier streets near me. We chose the quar-era outdoor seating even though it was a humid and drizzly night—sultry. Romantic. Private for talking about what we might like to do to each other.

The waitress, who wore glitter around her eyes, said our drinks looked good together. I had a strawberry mojito, he had something I don’t remember. I thought we looked good together, I already felt like a match before we took the first sip.

Again with the cute glasses, except this time they were a bright blue that matched my dress. He was quippy and energetic and silly and so easy to banter with. Oh! Good banter will get me every time. He matched my complete lack of chill, my delight, note for note.

OF COURSE I was going to invite him home with me. After my adventures with The Song Sender, I’d been hankering to get dominated, but in a more playful and kinder way. Mr. Adorkable seemed more than amenable. Plus, he admitted to being kinda goth, so I had just the playlist.

Before we get to snuggletown, though, the other thing that really endeared him to me was his relationship structure! He is out to his family and friends, and he and his wife try to avoid hierarchy as much as possible. His other partner seemed to be part of his life in deep and everyday ways. He even showed me a picture of the other partner hanging out with him and son! Superswoon at the cozy possibilities—my poly heart grew butterfly wings and fluttered up into the sky.