Knotty Thursday: Self Date Era

 

Friends, I'm in an autistic burnout. Or a depression flare-up, I'm not sure. The last couple months at work have been a deadly combination of uncertainty and unstructured time, with no end in sight. So many cool things have happened to me this fall, and I'll share them soon, but for now, it feels like there's not enough energy for anything but just existing.

Rope time has felt impossible to find, and I feel equal amounts rushed and stuck in quicksand.

Twice this fall, I've cancelled Saturday night dates with others for time with myself. I'm the only one I want to be with for the next while. I'm lonely for myself.

Last Sunday, I had a sex milestone with a beautiful charming man, and landed in PTSD-land. My body is stuck in fight-or-flight and I'm re-tilling old trauma-work fields.

There's nothing to do now but get cozy and let my nervous system heal. I'm hoping pretty ropes will be part of the healing.