After hearing it recommended on the How to Do It
podcast, I gave Feeld a try and felt at home pretty much right away—leading with
ropes brings a lot of joy and inspiration to the sometimes-demoralizing process
of chatting/vetting/ flirting with strangers! I’m hoping I’ll have some adventures
to report before too long. Wish me luck!
Anyway so they give you the premium thing for a little
while when you first join, where you can see who liked you already. And there
was Gilmore Guy! He had pressed like! Even though the last time I saw him I was
full-on yelling at him for underestimating Kamala Harris and being pessimistic about
2018 midterms. (We were kind of both right, but have you seen the House of
Representatives since then?!)
I felt incredulous, but curious too—had he meant to
press like after that debacle? Was he one of those swipe-right-on-everybody-and-then-figure-out
guys?
I really hoped his like was sincere, and my
imagination/nostalgia kind of ran away with me. Seeing his picture, all swoony
eyes and meticulous locs and proffering a definitely bespoke cocktail, I
wanted to just tell him to come over here, watch some (Come on, it’s not that
bad!) Season Seven, and get tangled up in his warmth and tenderness and
attention to detail and overlook the mansplaining a little better this time.
So I wrote the first note, and the second, first just
asking him how he was and then apologizing for being so harsh back in 2018. I
felt off and longing-y when he didn’t write back, and when he unmatched the
next day without saying anything, it will surprise no one that I felt wistful
and hurt. An ache in my heart as if our four-or-five dates were last month
instead of an utterly world-shifting four years.
And I was sad, yes, but also impressed with the way
the connection still lives in my body, the warmth I still have for that relatively
brief try back then. When I got the (His Name) has left the chat notification,
it broke my heart just a little, and I’m honestly kind of glad it did.
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