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| I don't think my next-to-the-bed nest has ever looked more beautiful. That dress smelled like him so emphatically. <3 <3 <3 |
We stripped to our underwear and got into my pink fluffy bed. I'd just dumped a bunch of Oasis and Psychedelic Furs onto my Virgo Season playlist, making it a little uneven, but perfectly dreamy. We curled up in animal bliss until the horniness took over.
I can remember the exact sensation of his fingers inside me, desire so strong it bordered on an itch. His nails were maybe a little too long, but not unpleasantly so. He held back my wrist with his other hand and indulged my halfhearted struggle. I loved being in his arms and under his power so much. I loved his scent, his long hair I could tangle my hands through. I loved kissing his mouth, his forehead, the tip of his nose. His sensitive nipples will live rent-free in my mind forever. Oh the ecstasy of this connection, oh the miracle of it.
I'm not gonna feel bad or embarrassed or ashamed about Fast Love anymore. I worried about it after the disaster of The Guy Next Door and the whiplash of Sweet Valentine, but I still love those loves, still value their parts in my life so much. Sometimes, I just know, and sometimes it goes by fast. Last night when I was laying in bed by myself, stoned and happy on the edge of sleep, I was able to name what happened: I'd hitched a ride on a star.
As much as I loved our time together, Angel Boy didn't have the spoons to text me much between visits and that made me feel lonely, too vulnerable, too weighed down by uncertainty. This was the exact thing I drove The Shy One nuts about, and I wasn't going to make that mistake again. It was difficult and messy and sad to let Angel Boy go, but I know it's cruel and controlling to stick around hoping someone will change.
And you know what? It was cruel how hard I pushed myself to change, too. There's never gonna be someone I can feel completely certain about, but I can find people whose rhythms don't twist the uncertainty knife. I'm so grateful for my time with Angel Boy, my Three Date Love. Maybe next time, I'll make it to four dates. In the meantime, my heart is so grateful and full.