The next day was Thanksgiving Eve. I’d expected to
wish EG well on his trip to see family and spend the evening cleaning up for
Thanksgiving with BFF. I had a dystopian audiobook ready and everything! 1984 from
Julia’s perspective!!!
But EG wasn’t leaving til 10 that night and was
determined to wedge in some sex, in-person or virtual. I told him I was in
chore mode but I’d see him after the holiday, but send cute pictures! I meant,
like, what’s your Thanksgiving dinner sweater like, but he said “No promises,
I’m sharing a room with my brothers.” I guess there was only one kind of
picture he was interested in sending.
And he wasn’t backing down on the before-he-left sex.
“How about fifteen minutes going down on you and 15 minutes penetration?” He
typed, after I’d said no.
Is this what I’m supposed to be? A sex app, ready
whenever you need me, no basic courtesy required?
I again should have blocked him but I tried to be cute
instead, sending back a Ma’am-ish “You need to learn to take no for an answer.”
“Forget I said anything, Ma’am.”
“Forgotten, (kiss emoji)”
But as I folded clothes and swept up, I realized this
wasn’t a thing I liked.
“Are you looking for strictly just sex?” I typed. “I
tend to like chitchat no matter what kind of connection. I understand if you’re
looking for something more casual.”
And then Entitled Guy was pissed.
“After one night of terrible virtual sex you ask me
this?”
The difference of perspective about the night before
was jarring—where I’d experienced playfulness, openness, so much hopeful
hotness, he’d found something lacking. I had let him do most of the work (those
<3 lovely! <3 voice memos!) but that seemed in line with him wanting to
be a Good Boy in the first place!
I guess maybe the “terrible” was because I didn’t want
to Facetime? To have been un-terrible, would I have had to do what he wanted,
when he wanted it?
Am I just playing an entirely different game from
everyone else? Is it time to put away the Ma’am/Good Boy part of what I like?
Thinking back to my beautiful 2022 Good Boy, I hope
not! Though that connection was fleeting and didn’t really have a real-daily-life
potential, he was so cute, playful, and fun! (Pardon me while I pause to compose
an opera to his dick, too!) And there was so much adorable chitchat in that dynamic!
I remember the passion with which he told me why Sunkern is the worst Pokémon! (He
said it with such contempt! Sunkern!) I remember him singing along to
Carly Rae Jepsen’s Boy Problems! I think, I hope, The Good Boy felt
fully human and fully celebrated—I know I did!
Ugh this year of dating! There have been some real
gems, and like three or four languages I started learning, but my heart hasn’t
moved forward as much as I’d hoped it would. If I’m honest, my heart spent most
of its time this year mourning and still loving The Shy One. It’s so annoying
that he set me free to find My Person and this is the dating year I’ve had!
I can always keep trying, can always keep hoping that
someone will sweep me past that memory and into a new swirl of emotion. But
also, if that’s what I needed this year for, okay. I’m in a process and I don’t
think a cute shortcut is coming to speed things along. It’s okay. I have time.
No comments:
Post a Comment