I was home with the sniffles and this happened, before we'd even met! I'm just really happy to know that guys like this are out there.
A second princely character in as many weeks, is this
just what dating with self-esteem is like? Is it an older-lady thing? Whatever
it is, it’s nice being a queen in all caps. I liked this guy almost instantly.
I was swiping absentmindedly on Bumble, really just going by faces, not bios,
but this dear had all the things—36, a grad student at the same university I
went to, and the sweetest smile. I could feel his warmth emanating from his
profile, a pretty amazing feat.
Plus, Princely Guy’s from Ghana and he promised me a
great Afrobeat/Hiplife playlist. I figured he’d probably have a swoonworthy Bristishy
accent. (Yesyesyes, he did bring both the playlist and the accent. Ohmy.) He
promised to teach me Twi. (Ohemaa means queen!) He invited me over to WhatsApp
and you know I find it very cozy there.
His texting style was sunny, effusive, and kind, and I
felt a safety talking to him that I don’t usually feel with people I haven’t
met in person yet. (I swear it wasn’t JUST because I like being called a queen.
Guys in the apps do that fairly often.) He offered to take me to dinner in my
neighborhood, so last Friday night I picked out an all-pink-including-undies
outfit and met him at my favorite place. Well, my favorite place to get takeout,
anyway! This was my first time dining there—they reserved us the table near the
window.
His texting manner had been so perfectly tuned to my
whole thing that I suspected he might be some new kind of dating app AI, but he
was real, and RIGHT on time. Sometimes you can tell from someone’s picture that
they’d be a whole lot of fun to have sex with, and he was even more swoony in
person—an openhearted face and a carefully-but-not-too-carefully sculpted body,
a little slight compared to me, but strong and full of Chi.
As we ate our dinners, I told him I was experimenting
with monogamy and he said he hoped to just find one woman. It was the first time
I’ve taken anyone home with a monogamous intention, maybe since Sweetie.
For the first time in my life, I’m on birth control,
the IUD they put in during my surgery back in March. From what he’d told me, Princely
Guy didn’t seem to be that experienced or sexually active, and I was relieved to
be free of the gotta-be-safe-enough-for-the-whole-constellation (possibly for
the entire world) feeling. For almost my entire adult life, I’ve been a good,
good, good citizen of sex. I haven’t had a PIV sex without a condom since
literal 1995.
I was in a haze of happiness and trust and music with Princely
Guy when he started to enter me without a condom on. It didn’t get mad or
scared like I usually would, just told him he needed to get up and get a condom
from the bedside drawer. But while he was rifling around in there, I was like…
Huh.
“I’d kinda like to try it without.” I said. So we did.
We played and tickled and laughed and we fucked three times without a condom.
And I liked it so much. I liked being all the way
against him, being filled up in this new/old way. I liked the feeling of
(definitely ill-advised at this point) trust.
The match fell apart for me while I was driving him
home. (Universe, send me the guy who’ll drive me around please) not BECAUSE I
was driving him home, of course, but I didn’t like the way he talked about
women or about my body—just an immaturity underneath all the sweetness that I
knew wouldn’t serve us longterm.
On the drive back home, I landed back in wistfulness, missing
the soul-connection/body-wisdom of The Shy One and wondering if I’d ever feel
that kind of connection again. But my body was HAPPY. When I woke up the next
morning, my vagina was full of well being. My heart felt hurty, but my body
felt whole and loved and fulfilled.
Of course I’ll get tested, of course. This was a
reckless choice, especially for someone who came of age in the Nineties to
make. But I feel nothing but peace about it. I feel like a once-in-27-years lapse
is allowed and I wonder if I’m headed towards monogamy? Or if this was just
another body adventure? We’ll see.
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