Elizabeth Gilbert has a quarantine-era meditation on
Insight Timer that I still use sometimes on badbad days: https://insighttimer.com/elizabeth_gilbert_writer/guided-meditations/facing-fear-with-a-compassionate-heart
One of the things she suggests is writing a letter to
oneself “From Unconditional Love”—I mean, I’d much rather be getting love
letters from cute boys than from abstract entities/myself, but these letters do
work. I found this letter in one of my journals from the first time I broke
things off with The Shy Ones, and I’m like, whoa, this lady really knew what
she was doing.
I’m going to edit it for floweriness because no one
should have to read an actual journal entry! Also, neither of them actually
used the word “discretion” but it’s what they wanted, and it’s the reddest of my
red flags in the past and henceforth.
Dear (Me),
You don’t have to feel better yet. I love him too. I
love him so big and wide and all-encompassing. I wish this could all be okay.
That warmth. That connection.
They expected “discretion” and I know you’re wondering
why you didn’t provide it. Why you couldn’t just *do* it.
You’re wondering if you just ran away because you were
scared. You were very brave. You didn’t want to let him go and you did your
very, very best.
I’m so proud of you—you stretched and found whole new
chambers in your heart. Whole new muscles.
This is important. Just because it was short-lived
doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just reached
the end and I know you miss him so much but it did reach the end.
I know it hurts. Thank you for writing this with me,
for doing the things that help the most.
This is going to take a while. It’s going to take a
while because it’s important. Because it was meant to be. Because it’s meant to
live in you and change you. You can’t control the way it changes you, or the
time it takes.
Just keep moving. And know he was smitten, he
really was. I want you to take that to heart, even/especially what he said at
the end: you do deserve to find what you want.
There’s no guaranteeing it, but if you trust your
heart, I promise to take care of the very very nice adventures to come.
Let yourself be sad, but don’t give up hope.
Love,
Unconditional Love
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