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| I fucking LOVE THIS. |
That night back in September when I texted The Coach
right after Casual Guy left, The Coach was helpfully explaining hookups to me. “It’s
only about what you want,” he said, meaning I guess that’s true for both
parties. I can’t tell if that idea is heartless and lonely or if it’s just
liberating. On this particular Sunday afternoon, it was the latter.
Hookup Guy and I had our first (couch, wine) date a
week ago tonight, and it really did seem like a date-date. We talked for a good
while about our lives and work. He (said he) is a special ed teacher in an alternative
school, so of course that melted my teacher-heart. He (said he) was recently
divorced, just back in March of this year.
As with the Sunday Morning guy, Hookup Guy’s recently
divorcedness made me feel tenderness toward him, made me want to provide all
the comfort and empathy and warmth. He was so gentle-voiced and deliberate that
talking to him gave me kind of a contact high—I don’t smoke weed but he does, this
guy’s vibe was like the best of it.
Because I am me, we fucked that first night—warmly and
sweetly but also roughly, with some hints that he might be a little too much
with the boundary-crossing, or at least that he’d gotten some
minor-but-easily-breezed-past bad ideas from porn. He felt so vulnerable and
fragile to me that I originally named him Mr. Kindheart in my head. I felt a
little guilty for not being as loopy about him as I was/am for the seemingly-at-the-time-more-withholding
Lovely Guy.
But it was clear pretty quick that this would be actual-casual
if it was anything. His texts were short and infrequent, all logistics. He asked
to come over a few nights after that, and I asked too, but there hadn’t been
time. I was happy to see his “Hey” in my texts when I got home from my yucky
date and nice hike.
Hookup Guy said he was getting ready to drop off his
son at a birthday party, and he was thinking he might “come over and fill me
up.” after that. (This script is so close to The Coach’s game that I’m again
convinced there might be an at-least-semi-alarming
how-to-seduce-middle-aged-ladies Reddit thread out there. I mean, there
probably is.)
I was already in bed for a nap, so I said sure, why
not? I was instantly soaking wet at the idea of Hookup Guy interrupting my nap.
I snoozed a little and woke up when the text chimed that he was on his way.
Waiting for Hookup Guy in bed, naked, with the window
closed in case I was (because I was definitely going to be) loud, with the door
unlocked for him, was one of the sexiest feelings I’ve ever felt. I was wired
and sleepy at the same time. At no point in his visit would I get out of bed
even a little.
“Hope that’s you!” I said when I heard the door open.
I was so, SO happy to see him come up the stairs.
Hookup Guy is BEAUTIFUL. He looks like a combination
of John Boyega and Jordan Peele, and he’s even close to my age. He’s tough and
kind of softly military-built, with a couple of fraternity brands that fucking
make my head spin to think about.
I took his shirt off and he did the rest. I just lay
there all cozy in my freshly-laundered sheets and girly comforter watching him
strip down. His dick was hard as a monument under his black boxer briefs, and
soon those were gone too.
It was good, good, GOOD sex, urgent and matter-of-fact
and joyful in a way I’m only starting to get used to. He did, in fact, fill me
up.
I wanted him to come back again at his/my convenience,
so I asked for his last name so it didn’t have to be “Hinge” in my contacts.
And then, when he was gone, I googled him. Nothing
drastic, I promise. But I’ll tell you what I figured out another day.
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