Once he had the harness on, the Gentleman said he wanted to
tie my arms back. “To accentuate that gorgeous chest of yours.” While he worked
back there, my hands were against his crotch, I could feel him big under my
jeans. Friendly. I felt so warm under his hands as he rubbed them up the ropes
on my arms, my shoulders, my neck. It didn’t seem like a place for spanking,
but he said “Now I really do want to spank you.” I said
“A little hair-pulling wouldn’t be out of line.” and so he
did, gathered up my hair so gently and pulled it slooooowly to the side. Then
he brushed it aside gently and kissed the back of my neck, making me all
tingly. He ran his hands up to my belly and pressed, pulling me back against
him. It was hot in that conference room. A drop of sweat landed on my ear.
“I just want to enjoy you for a few more minutes.”
“Take your time! I’m not in a rush!”
I really enjoyed being enjoyed, except when he said things
like “Your tits look amazing.” I even enjoyed that, with a little twist of
shame and worry. I don’t want to fall prey to anyone else, don’t want to be
anyone else’s vacation-fantasy-doll. This guy isn’t that, I told myself, but
sometimes I feel hopeless, like they’re all like that. It’s terrible.
He unwound the ropes from me and I admired the pattern of
red marks they made on my chest and wrists, a little pinch-mark on my right
arm, where the rope got stuck and stung…
He played some more, in the front this time, making thick
rows of loops up my arm. He put his hand on my neck and I felt a swoony falling
sensation, but when I opened my eyes he said “I’m practicing completing a
circuit.” Apparently you are supposed to touch in two places to make a
circuit—it worked, oh boy.
When it got so there was only a half hour left, I suggested
we get in some hugging. We sat down and he wiped his brow, got to work winding
up the rope, but I said I thought he should attend to his girl first. He
agreed, tossed them down and gathered me up. Even though my head had a few
worries, my body was totally relaxed, and I completely relaxed into him. I
snuggled under his big arm, into his chest and just breathed with him. He ran
his hands over me, gently but firmly. It’s amazing to me how things can feel
this intimate, this safe, with someone who was so recently a stranger. It’s
such a beautiful exercise in trust. It’s a miracle. It’s irresistible to me.
And it’s dangerous. Whenever I’m in that vulnerable
position, I wonder if he’ll ever come back. I always try to make plans during
that time. Bill resisted it like crazy, said mean things during aftercare
either because he was an oaf or to deliberately set me off balance—it drove me
nuts and made me feel desperate.
But this wasn’t that. This was just sweet hugging. I invited
him to an upcoming play party but he said he was busy and encouraged me to go
with Sweetie. (I am! Yay!) He said I shouldn’t let fears and heartbreak stand
in the way. I like that he was rooting for me and Sweetie to get some good
experimenting in, too.
Saying goodbye was hard, even though he’s brand new. I
wanted him to kiss me, and said so, but he said he was feeling shy. I’m not
sure what that means, if he likes me that way or not. I’m always a little
afraid that a guy will forget me, but he didn’t. He asked me out again and we are making plans
that don’t involve ropes or fetishy things, just getting to know each other.
That seems like progress.
I’m trying to get out of the habit of seeing each character
as a solution to the last. Instead, I’d like to experience him as a nice new
friend. A very snuggly one.
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