Trauma Work Summer Has Actually Been Kinda Lovely, Part Five

One time I was reaching back to the shelf to get my lunch and I spilled her flowers on my head.


    

Summer Princess was hard to read, emotionswise, and I put my foot in my mouth almost constantly. Once, trying to change the subject from her gently food-shaming the campers at lunch, I said "We've gotta get you some kids." She sulked and said that sounded like I was making her a mammy figure. 

Very understandable chips on very beautiful shoulders!

One day in maybe the third week of camp, she came in late because she had a special errand. She said she would share the news at lunch! It was an official-looking sealed envelope and I thought it might be her name-change paperwork. I was right! We all celebrated for a moment before I stupidly said that I'd guessed what was in the envelope. The celebration went right out of her, and she asked "How did you know I was trans?"

Her mood shifted and I was desperate to get in her good graces. We bickered about other things and everything seemed impossible. The next day, I brought flowers to celebrate her milestone and some gentle weed gummies for me. Our bonding (and my enmeshing) resumed.

In the hot glaring middle of the summer, we walked the kids to the pool. Summer Princess had gotten a brand new bathing suit! This was her first time in a pool post-transition, and it made me dizzy with happiness. We played in the pool together. "Make sure nothing bad happens, she said before diving under. We did handstands and flips, I hadn't gotten that much pool water up my nose since I was a kid.

The sky was so blue and the clouds were so perfectly fluffy that they looked painted on. The city skyline rose hazy in the distance. Though it wasn't romance for her, to me it was one of the most romantic afternoons of my life, even if it did involve walking the kids back to camp down the blazing city streets. In my bathing suit and sneakers, carrying everybody's towels and water bottles and whatever, with tall and careful Summer Princess at the front of the line--dazzling.

I've often found my trans friends beautiful and sexy, but aside from a quick makeout with Angel Face before we decided to be friends, I've never gotten around to acting on those attractions. After that day, I knew I wanted to. I wanted to devour her, but knew I would just have to open up to other possibilities, to pay attention more. I forgot the word "chaser" and I wanted to chase her.

I felt the world and my heart exploding with hope and possibility, but I wholeheartedly wish I had kept this epiphany to myself. I could have just added some porn search terms to my life and expanded my horizons when looking at Feeld.

But I was overwhelmed with loving her and wanting to please her, and this was Camp Overshare! So the friendship didn't get to last long.