Momentum Con Part Three: Megan Andelloux, Tina Horn, Sexual Side Effects

Megan Andelloux is a new hero of mine. Not only did she found the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, but her The Three P’s of Porn: Pleasure, Politics, and Personhood workshop yielded one of the best lines of the convention:

“People want to see their genitals on your face.”

Being a straight-A student type, I also have to brag that I won a vibrator from her for having this to say about food shopping as an analogy for porn:

“Well, I try to shop at the co-op for most things, but, there are things that aren’t so good for me, and I want to eat them anyway.”

Her conclusion was that it’s best to work for ethical pornography, that is, porn that represents many points of view and in which the performers have good working conditions and are doing things that they like to do.

(Queer Porn TV is a great example. In a later panel on Feminist Porn, dreamboat producer Tina Horn had this to say about genuine expressions of sexuality: “When people are given the freedom to do what they want, they do the nastiest shit I have ever seen.”)

Megan’s talk also included this video, which reminds me very much of some spanking-related conversations between me and Sweetie.

But what really knocked my socks off about Ms. Andelloux is that she let me ask her a really personal question in the restroom while she was in the middle of brushing her teeth. A friend of mine had texted and asked me to ask the sexperts if there’s anything that can be done about the sexual side effects of antidepressants—in this case, taking a superlong time to reach orgasm.

She said that there are anti-depressants that don’t have sexual side effects, but that people often don’t know that they can ask for them. Often the psychiatrist says

“This has some sexual side effects.”

and the patient says

“Okay.”

This makes me feel very pissed off and bratty and reminds me of what the Milgrim experiments taught us about our general willingness to follow authority.

For my part, I feel conflicted about antidepressants anyway. I’ve always refused them myself, figuring that if I was sad, there must be a reason, and I should change the circumstances instead of changing my body chemistry. On the other hand, I have friends who say they’re helpful, and I’m a big fan of my friends being happy and alive.

Either way, though, it seems really counterproductive to take away or impede something as happy-making as orgasms in order to chemically create more well being. It really seems to me that if genuine happiness were made a priority, lots of people could cut out the drugs and produce well-being for themselves.

Momentum Part Two: “The Cure For Sexualization is Sex”

“Knowing what you want from sexuality is part of knowing what you want form life. Your personal desires flow from just one emotional spigot. If you’re cut off from your sexual desires, you’re likely to find it much harder to know what you want in other areas of your life, whether we’re talking about academics, career pursuits, or academics.” Jaclyn Friedman

Jaclyn Friedman’s talk “Beyond Consent: The Radical Possibilities of Sexuality as an Antidote to Sexualization” was probably the most relevant to this project of all the workshops at Momentum Con (with the exception of my Minx-epiphany!) It really helped me to understand how an extremely personal project like this can help with the overall feminist project.

Ms. Friedman discussed some of the ways in which society sexualizes us, that is, values us only as sexual objects, and even then, within a very narrow range. In order to be valued by American culture, we must be white, middle class, able bodied, gender-conforming, etc. Women are subject to good old virgin whore limitations, and there are all kinds of terrible implications if you fail to conform in these ways.

She suggested that in finding ways to access our authentic sexual expression, as opposed to the ones foisted on us by society, we can begin to subvert and dismantle those oppressive norms. She also took care to say that adventuring is not the only way to authentically explore sexuality. This rings true in terms of my happy homebody Sweetie.

In an attack of convention shyness, I decided that I needed something to read and bought What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety, and I’m glad I did. It’s geared towards younger women, but since in a lot of ways I am just starting out I think it’ll make a nice book-companion for me. Plus! Writing exercises!

Good Poly Weekly Episode on Ritual and Identity

This interview with Lee Harrington has a lot of good stuff to think about. (And a lot of books I need to get!)  Especially this question:

"What does that look like to you?"

A Helpful Tweet

You know I heart sexperts, and Bo Blaze is becoming a favorite. The other day I posed this beginner-submissive question to him on the Twitter:

How do I know when I am being seen as a person, not just as a collection of fetishes?


And he wrote back:


"Tricky, cause yr Dom might C U differently than they let on. Look inside & assess the connection between U. Is it there?"


I like that answer because it made me realize that somewhere, deep down, I might actually know what I'm doing. I can see myself referring back to that tweet often. Thanks!