Amends Tales: Summer Princess Reached Out!

 A few weeks ago, something really nice happened! I wasn't even sure if it was real until I checked in with a mutual friend. I thought it might be a catfish situation! A friendfish!

I hadn't been in touch with Summer Princess since I left the camp job a week early in August. This is partly because I was embarrassed/finishing up trauma work, but the main reason was! After The Future Mrs. Summer Princess found out about my crush, she had written a few unhinged, gently-threatening-yet-somehow-friendly DMs and texts, and I wanted absolutely no part of any of that. I missed Summer Princess but I never would have imagined she would miss me!

But she did! She messaged me on Instagram to apologize for her fiancee's notes and for how bad everything had gotten. She said she valued our friendship and would understand if I just told her to fuck off.

But of course I didn't! Her fiancee had every reason to be protective of her, and I was being so weird. But Summer Princess said she knew there was nothing to be protective about!

With OCD, I've had to train myself not to seek reassurance. When my mind tells me I'm bad and scary, I'm practiced in just telling myself "Maybe, maybe not." But knowing that Summer Princess liked our time together and felt safe meant a lot to me. My heart filled up with fluffy pink relief.

We don't talk often, but I'm so happy to consider her a friend again, to be out here rooting for each other. I like when I'm playing Animal Crossing and my Switch tells me what she's on there playing. I like being able to send her a K-Pop Demon Hunters song to wish her a happy Friday.

So, a friendship appreciation post. If you've been here for me reading or in person or *swoons* both, just know you're appreciated and loved. I want to take better care of my friendships, cause I would be absolutely NOWHERE without you.

Amends Tales: The King of Carrot Flowers

 

Now we're a two-person book club! :D

I promise I will eventually get back to the hotness, but I have a few platonic updates I want to share first!

Back when BFF Formerly Sweetie and I were first together, there was a third pal with us all the time. I'm naming him the King of Carrot Flowers because we were and are talking-about-music soulmates, and the early 2000s were a very Neutral Milk Hotel-y time for me. For us all!

King of Carrot Flowers was with us ALL the time! On Sundays, Sweetie and I would do the big New York Times crossword puzzle, and then head over to his place to watch The Simpsons and Malcolm in the Middle. We all went to see Rilo Kiley (Openers: Tilly and the Wall! Tapdancer as percussion!) in the dead of winter in a very subpar car. He was in our wedding.

He lived right by the nice pool in the park, we swam there and agreed that yes, it DID look like those Ice Mice candies inspired by the Harry Potter treat trolley. We drove weirdly far to get ice cream, and I got blissed out and swoony about the albums he played on his first-generation iPod, plugged in with the aux cord. He burned me my first and only copy of my favorite album, The Execution of All Things. It conked out in my car's CD player about 5 years ago.

Modest Mouse. Of Montreal. The first time I learned what a collective effervescence is, I was flirting with a religious studies grad student in King of Carrot Flowers's kitchen during a snowstorm disco party.

He used to housesit for us when we were away. He was our cat's favorite because he always brought sushi.

The song he kept on his MySpace page: 

Sometimes, when no one was looking, I would just hit refresh on his page over and over, just to feel connected to him.

We LOVED each other as friends and it's not at all surprising that I got a crush! Almost immediately upon marrying Sweetie, I fell into a WHAT IF I NEVER SEE A PENIS AGAIN panic so of course I would want to bi it up with this very romantic (to me) friendship.

I confessed the crush one night, walked over to his place after a spat with Sweetie and, to the soothing sounds of The Colbert Report, told him I was having feelings for him. He was very kind about it but said he wasn't interested in sharing with Sweetie. Polyamory was a few years away, I didn't even know the word yet.

If you've been a reader for any length of time, you can guess what happened: I felt sad and rejected and picked a fight to get space from him. That space lasted for about twenty years!

Then, the other month when I was babbling to BFF about how much I love dorking out about stuff with Guy Next Door, she said, "Why don't you call (King of Carrot Flowers)? You guys loved talking about music!"

So I did that thing where you send a friend request out into the universe and never expect to hear back. But I did! He accepted my apology and said "We're all better at giving each other grace these days."

It felt like I'd found a missing puzzle piece. We've been in touch ever since and I could not be more grateful.