As he was getting acquainted with my couch and my one
cat who’s interested in visitors (The other was likely to have been hiding in
the back of a closet or behind the dryer.) it somehow came up that he’s on the
outs with the Maximum Fun crowd. I’m only obsessed earswise, but lots of people
go and hang out with the podcasters a few times a year.
“It makes me look bad…” he cautioned, but I persisted
and got the story out of him, mostly just for the sake of curiosity.
I paused Hulu and sat down to listen. I’m going to
write his story in quotes, bearing in mind that I’m quoting imperfectly.
“A few years ago I had a text-thing with one of the
women in the scene, and I guess I went too far. Then, instead of coming to me,
she called me out publicly on Twitter. This just happened a couple months ago.
Now people are talking about me—the word “creepy” has been used—and I’m not a
part of it anymore. I looked back at the chat thread and I just don’t see what
the problem was. It’s a big feeling of loss and grief.”
I don’t think an Aziz-Ansari-level #metoo story is
necessarily a dealbreaker. (However, AZIZ, devoting huge swaths of comedy special
time to R. Kelly IS. Ugh how did I even ever.) I felt sympathetic towards Comedy
Guy in some ways—groups, especially scene-style groups, can be terrifying in
the way that they close ranks. I also wondered if the lady might have been predisposed
to find him creepy because of the fat—though who knows what his Twitter avatar
is…)
I tried to listen without judgement--we’re all going
through a process and I certainly don’t put myself above it. I have a couple of
nondefensive apologies on reserve in case the people I’ve harmed come for them.
But the more he talked, the more it became clear that:
1. He
saw himself as the victim in the situation.
2. He
expected me to take care of him about it, even though MAYBE he knew that was
wrong.
But despite my knee-jerk empathy (DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME,
HIMPATHY QUEEN HANNAH ROSEN!) for the sincerely regretful guy before me, I knew
our focus was in the wrong place. My heart and mind shifted to that unnamed Twitter
lady, a lady in comedy on Twitter, such a perilous person and place to be. Even
being a lady who likes funny things
feels prickly and dangerous sometimes, so I found the Max Fun response in
Comedy Guy’s story to be a comfort.
I didn’t tell him to call a Lyft, though. I put Bob’s Burgers back on and moved closer
to Comedy Guy on the couch. I fit perfectly next to him and the warmth of his
body soothed the triggered fear enough to settle back into the date. It’s hard
to stay jangled while relaxing in Linda’s songs and Gene’s inexplicably dated pop
culture references.