All of that felt kind of nuts to tell him! But it also felt really good! It also seemed to open him up a little, or maybe he's just like that?
We have a profession in common, so I really liked hearing about his career and telling him about mine. He sent a voice memo about a particularly meaningful day at work, so soulful! Plus a gorgeous, warm, gravelly voice. *swoons forever*
The couple of days we were texting felt exactly like springtime--beautifully peaceful but full of blossoming possibility. I let myself hope that this might be, not just a thing, but the thing.
And then, he stopped texting. I knew he was travelling that Thursday and I ALSO knew that this would be the perfect chance to do my Relationship OCD exposure therapy.
It's possible that I have a good intuition for when someone has lost interest or switched gears. There seems to be a rhythm for "interested" and a different rhythm (or lack of) for "wandered off." Still, I'm learning to live with uncertainty a little better--I worked hard all day at sitting with the discomfort of not knowing, trying not to be already writing off the connection.
Here's what it feels like when someone I really like isn't texting and I don't know why: I *know* I don't have any claim to their time--in this case, we hadn't even met! But OCD doesn't give a single fuck about being chill for five seconds and letting people live their lives! Or about letting me live my life, for that matter!
Here are some of the things OCD tells me when someone isn't texting RIGHT THAT MINUTE:
"You were stupid to think he might have liked you back."
"You're humiliating yourself and being so pathetic."
"He has already forgotten you. You are so worthless, you might not even exist."
Sitting with the feelings and fielding the unhelpful things my brain was telling me put me in the foulest mood.
