OkCupid Message of the Week

"So now that we're friends on Fetlife and I've masturbated to your photos, what are your thoughts on teaching me the 'ropes'? I'll supply the mix tapes."

I'm torn between:

1. My love of being masturbated to
2. My fondness for mixtapes
3. My desire to be treated with a modicum of respect

and

4. My complete aversion from trying to teach anybody to top me

Dangit, three and four win out!