I’ve already written about the ropes part (https://kittencalendar.blogspot.com/2022/06/knotty-thursday-teachable-moment-with.html?zx=9c690ff8ebd71852) so let’s talk about the being held down. The consensual violence of him, with its new give and take. His hands ventured to my throat where they weren’t supposed to be and I swatted him away and cursed and dug in my nails. The smell of him. The softness of his fuzzy chest whenever he relented a moment and just snuggled me close.
In the years since the first time around with The Song
Sender, I’ve been dominated of course, spanked and restrained and so many
different (I almost typed every, but no) flavors of rope and shackles and fire
and hurt, but none had this special something. His dominance brings a sweet,
reverent feeling, the soft release of being wholly and willingly overtaken.
“No one else can dominate like you.” I sighed. “They
all say they’re doms but they come over here and they’re just mine.”
“Ah. That’s because you’re a bossy little bitch, aren’t
you?” He wrapped me up in a hug as he said it. I wriggled and cackled with joy.
I laughed when the Downton Abbey theme came on
my summer playlist, but The Song Sender did not laugh. He put his heavy arm
around my shoulder and held me down, pushing open my legs to manhandle my clit.
He pressed so hard that it hurt but it was also a perfect dream. I yowled and
sighed and he made me/let me come exactly in time with the last notes of the
song. Silly and perfect. Just-friends romantic. A new kind of home.
(Talking about Downton in this context makes me
feel both slightly disloyal to the Shy One and like I want to tell him all
about it. We’re in the bittersweet process of building a platonic friendship,
but that’s a whole different post.)
When it was time to drive him home, I remembered a cup
of coffee (It was pretty late.) but forgot my whole phone. I’d have to find my
way back without GPS, but I was fairly sure I could figure it out.
I petted his hand as I drove, and he made happy animal
sighing sounds. We listened to Nirvana’s Nevermind so I wouldn’t get
sleepy.
I found my way home easily. When I woke up in the
morning, I was sad and a little bruised, but was more sure of everything than I’d
been in a while. I felt like a person who knows how to run her life.
Whatever happens with The Song Sender, and who knows,
I want to keep a place in my calendar for submission, for basking in the beachy
softness of knowing I’m not in charge for a little while. That feeling has been
such a stranger to me, and I’m happy to welcome it back.