For a couple of days after my Instagram lapse, I felt AWFUL. I felt like I’d drunk poison—the particular rotten feeling of going backwards. There was no one to blame but myself, Usher, and Julia Roberts.
I wondered if I should take a dating break until the
rottenness passed, at least until this breakup-versary month is behind me. But
there’s always going to be something, some flower or sunset or moon giving me
the excuse to be in a wistful funk. Forward is the only way to get unstuck and
the internet is so full of faces!
I don’t know what possessed me to plan a call on the
way home from a loooooong workday last Friday, but I did. (Boy, I work a lot in
this story! I really work so much these days. It’s mostly wonderful and the
gummies help!)
Infinitely Better Scrabble Guy was a sweet, gentle cutie
from the facebook dating app. (Actually my favorite dating app right now,
partly because I feel like I’ve used up the other ones!) We had like seven friends
in common! I liked the way he went back and forth with his son about gaming
while we were on the call, like I was immediately welcomed into his world. His
work is similar to mine. When he mentioned that he plays phone Scrabble, I
immediately invited myself to play.
Possibly some, though definitely not all, of my
giddiness about IBSG was because it felt so good to return to Scrabble! I’d
sworn it off after the long-ago Scrabble Boy saga, but I loved getting back in
touch with my two-letter words! After not too many turns, IBSG placed “sex” on
the board and then I added “thine” and “deepen.” I was in romantic Scabble
heaven. He looked SO CUTE in his thumbnail picture, framed in gold with a
little crown.
The next morning, before getting ready for my Saturday
job, I strewed the peach and pink petals of my Valentine roses all over the
snowy yard, feeling buoyant and set free.
IBSG wasn’t ultimately at match—I have GOT to stop
pretending that “smokes occasionally” might mean just weed or just-at-a-party-sometimes.
Boundaries are real and they suck, but love is addictive enough without
smooching nicotine.
But it felt sooooooooooooo good to get totally silly
about someone, to let my heart soar a little. I hope it comes around again
soon! And I hope IBSG finds the very best partner, who’ll spoil him all to
heck! He deserves it so, so much. He made me so happy.
In the meantime, it’s not such a bad thing to be all
messed up a year later about a broken love thing, and it’s not a bad thing to
revel in a Scrabble crush who wasn’t a match. I want to give my big weird heart
time to appreciate both, to appreciate ALL the things, and to take it a little
slow towards whatever adventures are next.
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