When I got his text, I was in a good mood. It was
Friday and I’d just stopped at the bank to make my deposit, then took a rainy
stroll in a nearby twinkle-light-filled, very window-shoppingy neighborhood. My
life was just so perfectly my life. I
got home, got in my PJs, lit all the scented candles, (hygge!) made some tea
and settled in for some Gilmore episodes.
After a friendly back and forth about what episode I
was on (Season 2, Episode 7: Rory gets Puffed because there’s no Reading and
Walkman-Listening Club at Chilton.) (Lorelai and Emily mother-daughtering in
the Booster Club fashion show is one of my favorite moments of the whole series.)
Gilmore Guy asked, “How would you feel about seeing me?”
When I told him I wasn’t ready to be friends because I
still had snuggly feeling for him (I did? I do? Honestly, I thought I’d moved
on.) he made it clear that snuggles were what he was after. My body filled with
hopeful light and heat. Okay, I said. A treat.
I brought him the painting above, it doesn’t really
seem like street art anyway. He made me a gin and tonic, remembering that the
fancy Bombay was my favorite from his collection. (“A gin-clear mind…” says The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina in my
head for no reason.)
“Should we kiss?” he asked as we settled into Season
2, Episode 8. (Jess is the WORST. Team Wookie forever.)
“Should we? Probably not.” I said, already kissing
him.
I’m fascinated and mystified by the way that our
bodies were so SMART together. Making out on the couch, we fit together so
smoothly, easily, power trading back and forth between us in such a seamless,
joyful way. As we made our way horizontal, the closeness I felt to him was
startling. Sometimes I held him so close to me like this was something romantic.
I guess in my head, it always will be.
Hours later, when I asked him to hold me down, I felt
such pure, uninterrupted happiness as I giggled and struggled. The instinct of
our bodies together is a monument in my heart, a shiny obelisk of mystery. I
know, I know, I KNOW it’s just sex, but I can’t understand how our bodies
seemed to know each other so well. Creating such beauty together, and then not,
I don’t think I’ll ever understand it. I’m more than happy to keep trying,
though sadly not with him.
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