It might have just been the beach endorphins, but I was
really glad to run into the Mayor of Kittentown and Monogamous Girl at the beach
yesterday. You wouldn’t think so, after last time, but it was really
illuminating.
They were coming down the path as I was leaving, which meant
that we helpfully all had clothes on. He looked so handsome and she looked
beautiful—they were glowing with health and happiness. In my version of
reality, I would have happily pounced on both of them, but what really happened
was, I felt a teensy little glimmer of compersion.
MG and I shook hands bravely. MKT told me about a baby
horseshoe crab they’d seen. It reminded me of my nature-y endeavors with
Sweetie, so how could I not be charmed? A few moments of chitchat and it was
over, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment on getting past that initial
awkward. (Though, knowing both of us, I’m sure there’s more awkward to come.) I
texted him a *high five* when I got back to cell phone range.
I have to begrudgingly admit that my little jealous
breakdown on the beach a few weeks ago is probably a good thing in the long
run. It was another (like the millionth) reminder that he was a bigger deal to
me than I thought, that I have to stop trying to be casual girl when what I
really want is long term relationships. (Just like Rory Gilmore!) More
importantly, it pushed me past Mister Hazel Eyes a little faster than I might
have gone, and I’m starting to see that as a good thing.
Being ready for (or at least preferring) someone with the
possibility for a long term relationship is a healthy and honest thing for me.
I am grateful that MHE is behind me if it makes me more open to what comes
next. It is time to start believing in love and doing what it takes to get
there.
Here are some nicely bittersweet songs from the drive home:
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