Even though I created this blog as a way to connect with what was already beautiful in me, I’ve spent enormous numbers of paragraphs on my flaws, fears, mistakes, and road blocks, often in the name of adapting to things (like my marriage, or parties that didn’t feel right) that a person with self-love would’ve just walked away from.
I’ve treated myself like a problem to be solved, as if, if I picked at things enough, I’d be able to build myself up into something better, something more acceptable. If I treated my students that way, I’d feel like a monster. Treating myself like a project has made me extremely hard on myself, and that’s ended up being hard on my friends.
So how about this: What if, instead of needing to power through and be fixed, I’m an already-awesome human who thrives with the right partners and in the right circumstances, growing organically instead of forcing myself forward? What if, instead of punishing myself for what I haven’t done yet, I celebrate how far I’ve come? It doesn’t mean there’s no room for mistakes or negative emotions, just that I’m already whole, I’m already alright.
It’s tempting to follow up that sentiment with a series of resolutions, but I won’t.