Monday, May 21, 2012

A Vivid Dream



“Or perhaps the dream is highlighting how you have already incorporated the certain aspects or qualities of the people in your dream reunion.” –Dream Dictionary

As much fun as I’ve been having with Sweetie, for the past few weeks I  have been vexed by a lack of new characters in this story. Apparently, my subconscious has some things it isn’t through going over, because my dreams have been on the theme of reunion lately. I know that reading about other peoples’ dreams is not the most riveting thing in the world, but the one I had this morning was so vivid and gave me such a feeling of groundedness while I was in it that I think it might be important here.

In the dream, my entire family had stopped by Bill’s house around Christmastime. It wasn’t decorated or anything, I just knew that’s when it was. In real life, I’ve never even seen a picture of Bill’s apartment—I asked for a picture of his and his parents’ Christmas tree and he didn’t send one. So being able to actually be in his apartment felt good.  His hands were the most vivid part of the dream, those fat hands that I loved. He was sitting down next to me on the couch, and I took his hand. He stood up and I introduced him to my family. EVERYBODY in my generation and my niece and nephews’ generation was there, even my sister’s friends and their kids. I introduced him to them one by one.

We weren’t together in the dream, it was just a visit. He was waiting to hear from someone on the computer, she could’ve been a professional contact or a friend or sweetie, I didn’t know. There were babies EVERYWHERE. I picked one up and cuddled him, wondered if it would make me more appealing, then remembered this wasn’t a connection anymore. (Since I don’t want kids, I always assume that babies in my dreams symbolize less um, biological projects.)

What strikes me about this dream is how solid I felt in it—much more grounded and centered than I generally do. It felt good to be in three dimensions with him. The dream left me with a hopeful feeling that doesn’t really add up, considering that he’s long gone.

Maybe it does mean that I’ve incorporated aspects of him into myself and into what I’m looking for.

And maybe it also means it’s time to finish coming out as poly to my immediate family. I’m pretty sure they know, I don’t really keep it a secret, but I’ve been putting off having the actual conversations. I told my dad back in January, and that went okay, but maybe it’s time to tell my mom and sister and brother. I’m not sure I really want their input on the matter, but it might be the right next step.


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